Why some addictions are just so hard to break

You know the scenario all too well. You’re sitting at home watching TV or reading a book and then you get “the urge”. You recognise the feeling and you know what is going to happen. You’re about to clean out a packet of biscuits, eat a block of chocolate or drink a glass (or bottle) of wine. What’s going on? You were feeling fine a minute ago right so what’s changed? Where has this urge come from and why is it so hard to resist?

This is a problem that effects most people to some degree throughout their lives. All you have to do is look at what is happening in the world at the moment. Obesity is out of control. Anxiety and depression are out of control. Binge drinking for our teens is out of control. Eating disorders are rampant. People spend literally millions of dollars on things they can’t need and cant afford. Debt is at an all time high.

Addictions in any form can take over our lives, they become our number one priority and in their wake comes ruined relationships, financial worry or hardship and devastate emotionally. What’s worse is that most people don’t have the skills or the knowledge to break through it or even understand what is going on. I hear people say all the time “I can stop any time I want” but did you know that most people who go to AA say the same thing, that they have their addiction under control, that it is not controlling them but it is. If you cant stop yourself reaching for the food, cigarettes, drink or credit card even when you know how bad you will feel afterwards then you are out of control. Then the addiction is controlling you.

So what do you do? Do you swap biscuits for healthy food but then realise you’re drinking more? Or swap drinking for shopping. Our swap shopping for obsessive behaviour. Or do you just block it all out blissfully swimming the river of denial (it ain’t a river in Egypt you know).

The problem with addictions is that they are insidious. They creep into our lives and we don’t really know that they are even there. We don’t realise that our eating, drinking, drug use, shopping or obsessive behaviour is all related to something else, to something we are denying or to something that is missing within ourselves. And since the masses engage in this behaviour to various degrees it doesn’t seem so bad. We think maybe I drink too much but hey Sally down the road does the same thing so it must be normal?? The problem is addictions are accepted as common place in society unless they get out of control. We turn a blind eye to people who we know binge drinks or comfort eats or spends too much, but we shun obesity, anorexia, drug problems and the like even though they stem from the same problem.

Addictions are a mass epidemic effecting millions of people worldwide. Why do we have so much obesity, anorexia, bulimia, alcohol and drug addictions in this world? Why are we all trying to self medicate. What are we trying to eat and drink away?

In a word, emptiness. So many people feel empty inside and use these things to try and fill themselves. If I just eat this cake THEN I’ll be satisfied or if I just buy that top THEN I’ll feel better. But we all know that isn’t true. The fill lasts for as little as minutes and then we’ll be looking for the next fix, in a few hours, the next day or the next week. The desire can never be satiated and will never go away and the more we try to fill it with meaningless things the louder it gets and the more insatiable it becomes. It then takes 2 drinks or 2 tops or 2 coffees to fix it.

So how did this happen? How did so many people become afflicted with the same issue?

Feeling empty, unworthy or collapsed comes from not being emotionally nurtured in childhood. When you ask most people they are aware that they didn’t get loved the way they wanted or felt like they didn’t matter or weren’t good enough.

When these feelings are left unhealed and not taken care of by us as adults then the little voice starts to ask for things to fill the void. I need that cake. I need that drink. I need that outfit. I need something. I need!!! What is even more frustrating is the disappointment that comes when the food, drink or clothes don’t fill that need. When it’s back to square one and feeling empty and longing again.

So when we look at a world where all these addictions are rife, it points to the reality that many of us were not nurtured the way we wanted to, we did not feel loved or we could not feel our mother. We did not get “filled” by our mother and forever seek to find that “fill” somewhere else.

In my practice I see this problem all the time. I have seen the devastating effects that this trauma creates in people’s lives and how people will do ANYTHING to try and fill that void, that emptiness so they can be happy and self fulfilled.

From experience I know the only way to fill this emptiness is to look at these issues in depth and resolve them with a qualified therapist. Thinking about it doesn’t cut it. Denying it doesn’t work. We need to act, take responsibility and go and get ourselves help.

When we do a great amount of personal satisfaction is felt as we regain control of our lives and begin the journey to resolving this issue. This is when we can start to break the habit, when we look at what is causing it in the first place.