Divorce is a sad and often agonising thing to go through but it can also be one of the greatest personal growth experiences of a persons life. With one in three marriages failing the need to know how to move on in a calm and optimistic way is essential.

While in a marriage it is possible to see the future without even knowing that is what we are doing. It begins with meeting the partner we think will be by our side for the rest of our lives In a marriage we can see our future, we can see a couple of rocking chairs, we can see our finances, our home, our children, their children, in fact we can pretty much see our future as it will probably be. This is a reason so many people choose to separate because this vision of the future is definitely not what they want.

What happens with separation and divorce is we lose most of these visions for the future, there are massive blanks. Where once we saw two rocking chairs on our veranda with the garden in full bloom, now we see one chair with nothing around it because we have to sell the house and do not know where we will end up.

It is important after divorce to rewrite the future. To rewrite the future we must look at the past and the present. Dwelling on these is unproductive but examining our role in how we have come to this point is very relevant to moving forward. This allows us to see how our own behaviour has contributed to the position we now find ourselves in.

Realising that the past is the past is critical to moving on. It can be hard to accept that your marriage failed, a grieving period is to be expected but at the same time the acceptance of the discontinuation of the old life needs to be acknowledged and understood

The first step to rewriting the future is to have a good honest look at where you are today. By understanding exactly where you are and how you came to be in this situation. Blaming others for your predicament is not taking control of your life, it is letting others dictate the outcomes. If you have gone along with another person or persons views on how to live then take responsibility for that.

By carefully and honestly documenting your life, that is; where you live, your finances, your relationships, your work, your health, your outlets you have the opportunity to study those areas that what you have come up with and identify the parts that do not work for you any longer. This is where change starts.

Taking action to change and organise your life is a very powerful tool. Little steps everyday to change habits or start new ones lead to bigger steps as you realise that change is possible and achievable. So, start small, do the jobs or chores that have been put off. Start an exercise regime, start a healthy eating plan, read instructive books, or clean out that wardrobe. The more you can change the little things the easier it becomes to change the big things.

Next look to the future and imagine what life would look like in the most ideal of circumstances. The perfect job, the magnificent home, the ideal partner, the fabulous relationship with your children, the body and health always desired.

Rewriting the future is about change and planning. If you know where you want to go it is only the how you get there that is the challenge. View it as a challenge, give yourself goals to reach every week to bring the reality closer.

Start your goal setting by writing down the end product and then work backward to incorporate all the chunks needed to reach that goal. For example, if you want to start to paint, your chunks may be decide on the type of painting, find a class, clear an area in your home, buy the basics, time factor your new hobby, and decide on the date your first picture will be finished.

Giving yourself a time frame is vital to good goal setting as it does not allow time for sitting around thinking ‘one day’.

Goals must be realistic and achievable. Do not set yourself up for failure. A realistic goal is one that is within your personal scope of doing. Having an achievable goal means with work the goal can be realised by the specific date required.

The future is what we chose to make it. The future can be more of the same as we had in the past or we can decide to change ourselves, our habits and beliefs to encompass a new and exciting life of our own design.